


Hope of Morning

by orphan_account



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Blind Character, Disorders, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eren Yeager Has Heterochromia Iridum, F/F, French Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), Hospitalization, M/M, Mention of past rape/non-con, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Psych Ward, Reincarinated Character, Suicide Attempt, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-11-27
Updated: 2014-11-28
Packaged: 2018-02-27 03:24:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,268
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2677226
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>[Please read Tags]</p><p>After a suicide attempt, Eren Jaeger is admitted into a Psych Ward. Upon walking in, the thought never crossed his mind that he would meet his best friends there - let alone fall in love in the same place.</p><p>Eren learns that even though it may feel like it, he was not alone and there were people that could understand what he was going through - even if only a little. The same people who smiled bright smiles - who held his face between their warm, soft hands, their thumbs gently stroking his tear stained cheeks - and told him 'everything is going to be okay' and he believed it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Hope of Morning Starts to Fade In Me

**Author's Note:**

> hollo and welcome.
> 
> okay so, first things first, story title is of a song 'Icon for Hire - Hope of Morning' that this fic was inspired by as was many other songs and another fic of mine 'will' be b/c Icon For Hire is just inspiring. and there may be chapter titles of songs or song lyrics and I will inform you when there is. second, in this fic, Eren and Mikasa aren't related in any way - not like they were before - but yeah. s'only eren, his mum, and shitty shitty dad. and can you guess who the reincarinated character is? hehehe ^.^)
> 
> so... yeah, that's about it. thank you for reading and HOPEFULLY you'll enjoy it as much as I am when writing it!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And he allowed himself to do the same. Close his eyes and let himself slip from the clutches of life as he took a quick, deep breath and stepped off the edge, only there was no ground for him to step on and he plunged into the seemingly bottomless river below.

Eren laid wide awake in his bed, eyes staring blankly up at the ceiling above him. The room was completely blanketed in darkness - Eren wished his mind was like that - except for the soft moonlight pouring in through the window. The small, quick thumps of the rain against his window pane mixed with the faint, soft whir of the ceiling fan sounded like fists pounding against the glass and helicoptor propellers to him, the otherwise silence of the room deafening.

He had that dream again.

The one where his mothers' limp, lifeless body lays on the ground, dirt soaking up the blood that spilled from the wound in her stomach while he sat on the ground, knees brought up to his chest as he rocked back and forth. Her face, however, was turned toward him. Brown eyes dull, the life slowly seeping from them as the orbs were forever fixed in his direction only because they couldn't look anywhere else but to Eren, it felt as if her corpse was _staring_ at him. Accusing him of her death, just as his father did.

And then he was blood on his hands, and he remembered why - he would never forget. He had grabbed at her body and tried to stop the bleeding the puncture in her stomach allowed. But it was dark and he was walking. He didn't know where or why he was walking and he couldn't figure it out because he couldn't concentrate on or hear anything but the screams.

The screaming of his mother when she shouted his name just before the opposite car collided with his, his own screaming when he awoke to find his dead mothers' face directly in front of his, when he realized he was the only survior of the car crash he caused, his fathers' screams, telling him it was all his fault, that it wasn't fair that he got to live and she didn't, _that he should kill himself_.

His therapist told him he shouldn't think about it because the more he did, the more bad thoughts came, and 'bad thoughts weren't good'. Though it was hard not to think about it when he kept having these horrifying nightmares that tore him from his sleep in the middle of the night, not when his father was consantly reminding him that it was his fault - and it was - and that he should go jump off a bridge - and maybe he should.

But she didn't know that. That his dreams and father cause him to lose what little peace his mind allows him to have  no, scratch that, he doesn't get any peace because if it isn't the dreams and if it isn't his father, it's him making himself insane when he happens to look up when walking past a picture of his mother and her bright smile that she doesn't have anymore, the ones that his father refuses to take down even though he smiled and agreed to the woman when she suggested he should because it could trigger Eren.

But it wasn't like he cared if it did. It wasn't like anyone really cared because he deserved it.

Though, tonight was worse than any other night. Any other night, Eren would have stayed in his bed and just waited for and watched the sun rise but tonight, he wanted to watch it up close and he knew the perfect spot to do so.

He didn't know how he got there so fast and without a car - like he was stable enough to drive one - but he did, walking down narrow walk way of St. Maria bridge until he reached what seemed like the middle. It wasn't to far from his house. By the time he got there, he was completely soaked and cold to the bone - seeing as he only put on a t-shirt and a pair sweat pants - but he didn't notice that he was practically shaking. He took out his phone and checked the time, 5.55 am. Usually the sun came up somewhere between 6 o'clock and 6.30 - Eren knows this for a fact because he's woken up at this time and much earlier and couldn't go back too many times not to.

Looking down at the phone in his hand that was being covered in rain drops, he decided he'd call someone. Why not? He always found comfort in just talking and that's all he wanted right now; comfort. Anything to make he not think about what he was about to do, even if he didn't know he was going to do it.

Though, he didn't have any friends. Not anymore. He lost them all after the incident when he started pushing them away when they offered comfort and just someone being there when his father told him they were only giving in sympathy. He hated sympathy.

But he still wanted to talk.

And he never deleted their numbers from his phone like they probably did. He really didn't care who it was, as long as it wasn't his mother or father's voice. So, with this in mind, he scrolled through his contacts and pressed his thumb on the screen without looking, lifted the phone up to his ear, and waited. As he did this, he turned his gaze to stare blanky at the horizon that was slowly beginning to light up with every minute that passed.

Three rings later, a familar, low, sleep-laced female voice answered.

_"H'llo?"_

"Ymir," his own voice low and his eyes trained on the emerging sun. "hey."

_"Eren_ _?"_ she sounded a little more coherent now. _"you better give a damn good reason for waking me up this early or I swear-"_

"I'm watching the sunrise." he blurted, cutting her threat off. Half of the sun had shown itself already, the brilliant light it emited reflecting on the water below and splashing colors of orange, red, and pinks across the sky.

It was absolutlely breathtaking to Eren. If only it could actually take the breath away from him.

_"That's great._ " Ymir responded, her tone laced with obvious sarcasm and irritation. _"Is that what you wanted to tell me? That you were watching the damn sunrise._ "

"Did you know the St. Maria bridge is the best way to watch it?"

_"What the hell are you doing on the St. Maria bridge at 6 in the morning?"_ she questioned.

"I had a nightmare and I couldn't go back to sleep." he explained to her, not really listening to what he was saying anymore because the sunrise was just so beautiful.

Ymir was silent for a moment, she knew what 'a nightmare' ment because he had told her first and what it tended to make him think, make him do. Then, after the sound of shuffling on the other line, she responded.

_"Eren,_ " her voice was calmer now, no longer having her sharp tone but there was a bit of urgency to it. _"your supposed to stay in your house when you have that dream."_

"I didn't want to." he paused. "The view here is so much better, anyway."

As his eyes continued being fixed on the rising sun, he didn't realize his feet were slowly taking him closer to the edge.

"It's so beautiful." his voice was now a bit breathless as he his voice was low enough to be considered a whisper. "I'm so close, I could probably touch it."

He wanted to touch it. Maybe if he tried everything would be so much better. There, it looked so peaceful. He knew he didn't deserve it but he couldn't help but want that peace so badly. He didn't want to be in so much pain anymore, he didn't want to have to worry about anything anymore and he could just sleep because that's all he wanted after the incident; to close his eyes and not have to wake up to the cruel world again.

_"Eren, listen to me. You do not want this, You don't want to do this."_ Ymir spoke again, startling Eren into realizing that he was still on the phone with her. It sounded like she was moving a lot now, and quickly too.

He paused before responding. "Your right... dad wants this."

_"Eren, don't-"_

"He wants this." he said in a firmer tone. "He told me that he did. And if I do it, everything will be okay again and I could do what I was supposed to do when it happened." _Die._ "He'll feel better knowing that the one who killed his wife is dead too."

There was a sharp intake of breath, like a gasp. _"Eren, please- he doesn't really want that, okay? He's only saying that stuff because he's sad- your therapist told you that, right? That he's just grieving. And I told you, if it's to much, then you could come stay with me or Reiner or even Connie. I'm sure they wouldn't mind at all, just- please, Eren, get off the bridge."_

Erens' eyebrows furrowed as he what she said began to sink in. How does she know what his father wants, what he wants. She doesn't know anything. She doesn't really care. His fathers' words began to bounce around in his head - _"They only say those things out of pity for you because you always go to school with a sad face like something was taken away from you!"_ \- and then he began to feel the calm, peacefulness leaving him.

Then she started talking again, words that only fueled Erens' growing anger.

_"I know that it may not seem like it but we really do love you and miss you so please don't think no one cares. And I know it's hard right now, but it'll get better, I promise."_

"Liar." he immiediently hissed into the phone. "Don't make promises you won't fucking keep."

The peace was gone and all Eren felt now was anger. He was angry at Ymir, angry at the phone, angry at his father, angry at the goddamn world. But who he was angry at the most right now was himself. He fucking hated himself.

And with that one thought in mind, before he could give it a second thought, think about Ymirs' words - anything that would make him hesitate - he outstretched his arm, let the phone slip from his fingers. And he allowed himself to do the same. Close his eyes and slip from the clutches of life as he took a quick, deep breath and took a step off the edge, only there was no ground for him to step on and he plunged into the seemingly bottomless river below.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter title is from the same song the story was inspired by if you couldn't notice..... um.
> 
> yeah so I don't have a definate schedual for when I'll update things but I try to have one or two chapters posted every week. but for now the chapters might come everyday - don't get used to it.


	2. Self-disgust and Selfishness Tend to Hold Me Awfully Close

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He threw his hands over his eyes, tears streaming down the side of his face and soaking into the pillow under his head. A choked sob left his throat and echoed in the otherwise silent room.
> 
> Yeah. Welcome back, Mr. Jaeger.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay so first, I just wanted to thank you all so much for the kudos/bookmarks/hits!!! it means so much to me that your just reading but to give it a kudos and bookmark it makes me asdhfgfkl. thank you thank you thank you!!!
> 
> and second, I have decided that Ymir will be Erens' closest friend. idk why, I just thought all the things that I put Ymir saying, Mikasa would have said and Ymir reminds me of Mikasa???
> 
> idk. but enjoy anyway!

Darkness.

A complete void of darkness full of absolutely nothing. It was nice. He didn't feel anything. He just felt blank. Numb, but in a good way. He wished when he was alive, he could have felt like this but he cared too much. He thought too much. But that didn't matter now because here, he wouldn't have to think. He can just sleep.

_Beep._

The faint sound startled Eren out of the peace that once consumed him. He didn't know what it was, but as he strained to hear it, the sound got louder and didn't stop, just kept going in a high-pitched robotic tone, only spaced out by quick seconds of silence.

_Beep... beep... beep._

It was annoying him. It was irritating him. Wasn't he dead? Why was he hearing things? He was sure by now his body would be sumerged in water, at the bottom of the river, but no. He was hearing what sounded like a...

Heart monitor.

But... no. He was dead, right? He was pretty sure when you died, your heart stopped beating. So why was he hearing the steadily paced beats of his heart in the form of beeps?

He was so confused and was beginning to panic and panicing wasn't good. Panicing is the reason why he is where he is, right now.

_Eren._

He wasn't... he wasn't dead. He was still alive. How is that possible? He jumped off a bridge and into a river. He should have drowned. He should be _fucking dead_.

It was very faint and far away sounding but he could hear it as if it was being said right in his ear. Someone was calling his name. Someone was trying to wake him up but he didn't want to wake up. He wanted to go back to that blissful numbness that overcame him when he thought he had died. He wouldn't be able to fool himself into feeling that way ever again.

_Please don't wake me up._

"Eren?" the voice was clearer now, loud and female. It was a voice he didn't reconigze but also didn't really care and didn't want to hear because he wasn't supposed to be alive. He wasn't supposed to be hearing this.

But for some reason, even though he begged his eyes to stay shut, the lids fluttered open, only to shut back tightly after met with a momentarily blindingly bright light. Now that his body had registered that he was fully awake, it wasted no time in showing - making him feel - the consequences of his actions and a moan of pain slipped past his dry, cracked lips at the steady pounding of his head and the sharp ache in his left arm.

"Don't move to much, honey. You'll only make it hurt more." the female informed him, the smile evident in her voice.

He forced his eyes to blink open, waiting for his eyes to adjust to the bright room before survaying his surroundings. There was no mistake in being in a hospital, the smell of medicine and disinfectant strong enough to him to make him want to gag a bit. He had always hated hospitals, after the incident, because this is where he had to tell his father what happened. This is where the hatred of his father to him had began.

He halted his thoughts because right now was not the best time to think about that, especially when he just tried to end it but woke up in a hospital and attached to all sorts of machines. His eyebrows pulled down in confusion when he looked to the foot of the bed he was on, seeing a woman with brown hair that was tied up in a messy pony tail with pencils sticking out of it and glasses whose smile was soft and behind her, Ymir stood, leaning up against the wall, her eyebrows just as furrowed as his as she held her hand up to her mouth, chewing on her thumb nail.

"Welcome back, Mr. Jaeger." his eyes flickered from Ymirs' hard gaze - she wasn't glaring, but he could tell she wasn't far from the feeling of anger - to the woman dressed in a white button down tucked in a grey pencil skirt under a long, perfectly white lab coat.

He didn't respond, he couldn't. And he wouldn't know how.

"My name is Dr. Zoe. I just wanted to come check up on you to make sure everything was alright?" upon making the statement a question, she turned to look over her shoulder at Ymir, who nodded once, curtly, never taking her stare off Eren.

She turned back to him, "You must have a very bad headache." she assumed as she began to walk around the bed to table beside it, grabbing two cups and handing it to him. One was smaller than the other and in the bigger cup, water filled it, the smaller had a large pill inside. "It's ibuprofen."

He nodded, pushing himself up - slowly as to not cause more pain than there already was - slipping the pill between his lips and gulping down the water. He gave a small, grateful smile to the doctor because he hadn't realized how parched he was until he drank the water, which she returned, albeit more genuially, and took the cups from him. Eren put his hands in his lap and caught Ymirs' gaze again, she obviously had something to say, and Dr. Zoe noticed, looking between the two.

"I'm sure you two have things to talk about. I'll give you some time but I'll be back." she said as she walked toward the door, smiling before shutting it behind her, filling the room with a tense and uneasy silence.

And for some reason, Eren was the one to break it.

"What... what happened?" he voice was small and cracked slightly. Why did he ask? He really didn't want to know.

"They found your body washed up on the bay." Ymir responded immediently. "They found your body washed up on the _fucking_ bay, Eren."

Eren watched as she aruptly pushed herself off the wall and turn her back to him, running a hand roughly through her hair before turning back to him, her expression one that made Eren blink. Full of fustration, her eyebrows pull down in anger.

"What in the _hell_ is wrong with you? I mean, I know there are some really fucked up things going on in your life but to just jump off a bridge- to try to _kill_ yourself? I don't hear from you for weeks, Eren. Fucking weeks- and then you call me out of the blue at 6 in the morning just before you attempted fucking suicide!"

Her voice was raised now but she didn't seem to care. She stopped with the hand gestures and slapped her hands onto her legs, seemingly esasperated. And she looked on the verge of tears and for as long as Eren had known Ymir, she wasn't one to cry unless the situation actually ment something to her, especially if she was around people, even someone as close to her as Eren was.

"Do you know how that makes me feel? I-" her voice cracked. "I thought you died, Eren. When I walked onto that beach and saw you laid out on that stretcher, I really thought you were dead and I just-" she cut herself off and looked up at the ceiling, trying to stop the onslaught of tears that threatened to overcome her. Even though Eren wasn't awake to see, she had already cried. She cried when she found him, she cried on the way here, she cried while sitting beside his bed.

She blinked a few times before shaking her head and taking in a deep breath. She walked toward the corner of the room where a plastic chair was and dropped into it.

Eren could no longer look at Ymir, his eyes dropping to his hands that clenched the light blue blanket covering him. It was selfish. What he had done was selfish. He had been so bent on trying to get some peace for himself that he wasn't thinking about the peace it would take away from other people.

But he... he thought no one cared. He hadn't called or spoken to Ymir because she hadn't called or spoken to him so he thought he had lost her just like he lost everyone else. He didn't expect anyone to be here when woke up - he didn't expect to wake up - but she was here and his actions seemed to have affected her just as badly.

Only when a warm drop of liquid fell onto his hand did he realize that there were tears espcaping his eyes. His jaw tightened. He should cry. He should feel the same emotions Ymir is because he caused them. He caused everything. His mothers' death, his fathers' hatred toward him, Ymirs' grief - it's all his fault. And he wanted to get away from it all and leave them here to deal with the consequences. It disgusted him. He disgusted him.

Selfishness; another thing to add to the list of reasons why he hates himself.

"They want to put you in a psych ward." Ymir suddenly said again, breaking the silence that had grown between them. Eren looked up, seeing that she was looking at him, instead had her head against the wall behind her, staring up at the ceiling.

"A... psych ward?"

"Yeah," she paused, as if considering her words but then just shrugged a bit. "'cause they think your crazy." her words were put bluntly and harshly and they made Eren blink.

He had heard of psych wards. The hospitals were they put the mentally ill. Never in his life would he have thought he would be going to one - he didn't think he would try to commit suicide either so he guessed there really wasn't a surprise there but...

Crazy?

"I'm not..."

And then Ymir was looking at him again, her eyes narrowed into a glare. "Well, you make it pretty hard to believe, Jaeger."

He watched as she stood, walking toward the door as she spoke to him. "I'm going to go pack some stuff you might need from your house and I'll bring it tomorrow." and with that, she was gone. Walking out the door without so much as a goodbye.

It made Erens' chest ache.

Mostly because it reminded him of how his father left the hospital room when he had told him about the car crash, how he turned and left the room without a word, leaving Eren to have to get a ride from one of the nurses to get back home after he was discharged the next day. How he wanted to stop him, tell him he was sorry - he did, he was practically screaming it - but Eren couldn't even open his mouth to get the words out, his chest hurt so much.

He didn't want her to hate him, like his father did. He didn't want to be hated.

 _Please... I'm sorry, I'm so sorry._ _Don't hate me. I can't lose you too. I don't have anyone else._

He spent the remander of his time alone staring at the wall in front of him, wallowing in his self-hatred and disgust. Why? Why did he always have to ruin everything? Why couldn't he just listen for once? He's so fucking stupid.

Eren wanted to scream. He wanted to tear his hair out, bang on the bed, punch the wall, kick the table, anything to get rid of this growing fustration and anger inside of him. He flopped back onto the bed, ignoring the pain that shot up his back because of it - he'd do it again because, god, he deserved it. He deserved the pain because he had caused so much.

He threw his hands over his eyes, tears streaming down the side of his face and soaked into the pillow under his head. A choked sob left his throat and echoed in the otherwise silent room.

Yeah. Welcome back, Mr. Jaeger.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeah. finished. and its long too, whoo.
> 
> so, the chapter title if from icon for hire hope of morning again... most of them will be lyrics from the song but I'll tell you when it's from other songs.
> 
> anyway, it's like 1:41 in the morning but I'm still gonna say happy thanks giving because I started this way earlier but my family was like 'COME STICK YOUR HAND INTO THE TURKEY' so i've been trying to finish this all day. and im fucking tired because all my energy went into stuffing my face too.
> 
> but I did it so, I really hope you liked it and another chapter should be up soon!!!!!!!!sdbhjfgdshfghdskfhdghdvbdhgfu


	3. You're Not Alone But...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh hey look another chapter  
> sorry for any grammar/spelling mistakes. I'll edit this soon... soon....

Shortly after Ymir left, Dr. Zoe came back like she said she would. By then, Eren had cleaned himself up - as much as his hands and the box of tissues would allow - enough to be presentable, or at least so that the doctor wouldn't question anything. There was no doubt in his mind that he probably still looked like shit but he could have cared less then. Not when Dr. Zoe was confirming what Ymir had said they wanted to do with him.

_"I was given things to tell you but I know you're a smart boy so I'm not going to sugar-coat anything, Eren - I usually don't with anything else I say so I don't even know why he tries. Anyway, tomorrow, after you are discharged, you will be going to a psychatric hospital. You have already been admitted so all you'll need to do is go to your room and go on with the rest of your day. Don't look so crestfallen, dear! It is really not as bad as the rumors say! I am an assisstant there and although they have their days, they are still very kind, bright spirtened people. So don't go believing everything you hear about psych wards because they aren't true."_

She had said her last sentence firmly, the bright smile she wore when explaining everything else gone and replaced with a frown. He really hadn't known what to believe because he had never been to one. He had always imagined a mental hospital like a regular hospital but with zombie-like people just walking around aimlessly, that it would be eerie because of all of the mental illnesses you knew the people there possessed.

But it wouldn't matter. He wouldn't care because he was joining that group now.

Today he was being discharged, and he was standing in the lobby, in clothes Dr. Zoe had brought him because it was what he had to wear when he came into the ward. A pair of sweat pants and a short sleeve, dark green shirt. He had a sweater on to protect him from the weather but he would also have to take that off before he went any further inside the building beside the lobby of the hospital. She said he was allowed to bring clothes, but only things along the line of what he was wearing - no belts, no sneakers, no jeans, etc. - and he had plenty of sweat pants and t-shirts so that didn't bother him.

Ymir was supposed to pick him up and drop him off at the hospital, and he was waiting for her. She said she'd be here by the time he was discharged, which would be at 8.30 and she said it would take about an hour to get there. He didn't want to seem as if he was rushing because he wasn't eager to get there, he was just anxious. Why? He didn't know.

Or maybe he was just nervous that she wouldn't come at all.

"Eren," upon hearing his name called, Eren turned in the direction it came from to see Ymir approching him. He hadn't realized a smile broke out on his face until she looked at him weird.

"Hi,"

"Hey," she greeted slowly before pointing with her thumb over her shoulder. "Your stuff is inside the car, come on, we should get-"

While talking, she had begun turning away and waking back toward the exit but Eren quickly reached out and grabbed her wrist, cutting her off. She turned and looked at him over her shoulder.

"Ymir, I'm..." he paused, casting his gaze onto the ground. "I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. I didn't mean to make you sad or anything. I thought you didn't... I didn't think..."

Ymir had turned to face him full while Eren tried to find the words, but her words stopped him.

"You're right, Eren. You didn't think. And I know you're sorry, I am too, about everything that you had and have to go through but this was just... I need time to think. I accept your apology, though."

All Eren could do was stare. He didn't know how to respond or if he even should. Ymirs' frowned deepened more at his silence but she then turned away, gesturing for him to follow.

The ride there was completely silent expect for the faint music playing from the window. Eren stared out the window, watching as the scenery changed from not very heavily populated by people but busy enough to complete fields full of nothing but dull green grass and in the very distance, it was very wooded.

To Eren, it was beautiful. Though, the sky was a dull grey and full of clouds and it looked as if it would rain today, it was still beautiful.

They reached a gate that said 'Psychiatric Institute', Ymir rolled the car window down and reached out to press a button that was under a small speaker. The sound from it was of crackling before a woman spoke.

_"Hello. Please state your business."_

"Eren Jaeger." Ymir responded in her monotone. It took a moment before the woman replied.

_"Oh, yes. Mr. Jaeger. I'll let you right in."_

After a moment, Eren watched the tall, wide gate split in half and open slowly. Ymir brought her arm back into the car and began to drive again, entering. In the front was a fountain that they had to drive around, with a sculpure that Eren couldn't really understand besides the water coming out of what seemed to be its' mouth and into the round pool of water below.

The car came to a stop and Ymir gestured for Eren to get out and he did. Looking up at the building in front of him, he began to feel intimated. Dr. Zoe might have said that the people inside were kind, but it didn't seem that way from how gloomy and horror-movie-like it seemed outside. He didn't even want to imagine what it looked like at night. Though, it was smaller than he thought it would have been.

"Eren," Ymir saying his name grabbed his attention and he tore his gaze away from the victorian styled building and to her. She jerked her head toward the entry way. "come on."

Reluctantly, he followed her as they made their way up the grey stone steps. When they entered, Eren finally began to relax, because although this was still a mental hospital, the decor inside was so homey styled, that it reminded him of his home more than a hospital. Instead of the over powering smell of cleaning products and medicine, it smelled clean, but a comforting type, and it was warm instead of the usual chill regular hopsitals have.

This was definately not what he expected of a mental hospital.

The clacking of heels against the marble floors signaled that someone was coming, and Eren looked in the direction of the noise to see Dr. Zoe emerging from the hallway, her expression brightening upon seeing Eren and Ymir, a wide smile stretching across her face.

"Eren!"

"Dr. Zoe," Eren greeted, a small smile of his own finding its' way onto his lips. The woman's chirppiness coupled with the homey feel of the lobby made him more relaxed.

"We've been waiting for you. You're room is all ready for you."

"I guess my presence isn't needed anymore, then." Ymir chimed in, gaining the attention of both people.

Eren frowned but Dr. Zoe nodded. "Ah, yes. Don't worry, he's in good hands now."

"Alright." she said before looking down at Eren. "Good luck." and with that, she turned and began for the doors.

"Have a safe trip back!" Dr. Zoe shouted after her, she turned and gave her a smile in response, but didn't give Eren a second guess.

Eren wanted to stop her. He had wanted to hug her. But he didn't. He just watched her back as she walked away, watched her through the glass of the doors as she got in her car and drove back the way she came. It pained Eren to watch her go and not do anything - again.

"Well," Dr. Zoe clapped, trying to get his attention and he reluctantly looked away from where Ymirs' car had been up to the doctor. "let's get to your room, shall we? You'll need to be quick though, because you still have half an hour more of group."

Eren nodded and on the way down the hall she had come from and up two flight of stairs, Dr. Zoe had explained what his daily scedual would be like. He wouldn't need to know the time because there was an alarm clock attatched to his room that would have a different ring for every activity - she had grinned and said that was her touch.

You would wake up at 7 o'clock, then you would be able to fully awake, shower, brush your teeth until 8.30 - this is just to make sure everyone has done it - when the clock would ring again signaling breakfast had started. At 9.35, after everyone was refreshed and woken, they would have group - this is where they sit in a circle and talk about whatever the doctor had planned for the day - until 10.45, where they will then be allowed outside for two hours, heavily supervised, of course. Most hospitals don't allow the patients to go outside for valid reasons, she said, but here, they wanted the patients to feel normal and not like they're imprisioned, which most tend to think and complain about.

At 12.45, they came back in and had lunch, which was until 1.45, and then they spent the rest of the afternoon in the Rec Room - a place to just relax and do what you please, as long as it didn't cause harm to yourself or anyone else - they would be surpervised here too, just not as heavily as when they are outside. At 6.45, dinner and 7.45, everyone was to return to their rooms. At 8 o'clock, the lights went out automatically and you were expected to be in bed and asleep or getting there. Just in case, to be careful, there would be nurses coming to check on everyone, wishing them a good night as they did.

Eren listened to all of this and thought that this was good. Having his day already planned for him. It would be nice not having to wake up and wonder what he was going to do all day to keep his mind off of things.

It would be nice. Maybe this would be nice.

They came to a stop at a door and Dr. Zoe turned the knob and opened it. "Here you are, sweetie. Just put your stuff in and just in case you want to come back and fix anything to your liking, I'll alert the nurses-" the ring of a phone cut her off and the doctor let out a little 'oh' before reaching into her lab coat pocket and pulling out her phone, answering it.

"Hello... ah, yes, I'm with him... I'm sure you do but right now he has to get to group. Petra wouldn't be very please with you making him miss it... I'm sure you can but he's going and you'll just have to wait... Oh, whatever, you gentle giant, I'll be on my way."

And with that, she hung up and pocketed the phone, turning back to Eren. "I'm sorry, dear, but I must go. Duty calls. Group is room 116 downstairs. It's the first room with two big doors, you can't miss it, but if you do, I'm sure there will be nurses around that you can ask for directions."

"Okay."

"Alright, make sure you shut the door behind you tightly and go straight there. I'm trusting you to do that, Eren." she instructed firmly as she began walking the opposite direction of where he needed to go.

Eren nodded. "Yes, ma'am."

"Good, now, hurry along. Petra might be doing her routine by the time you get there so you won't be inturupting anything. Now, go, go!"

Eren nodded again quickly before making his way back down the hall and stairs the way they came, stopping on the second floor and walking into the hallway. There were indeed nurses on the floor, only a couple, but Eren paid them no mind as he continued walking, looking for the room until he was stopped by a woman with blonde hair and blue eyes.

"Why are you not in the Group room?" she questioned, her eyes narrowing into suspision as she scanned his body with them.

"Ah, um, I just got here. Dr. Zoe had something to attend to and she told me to go there."

The blonde womans' eyebrows raised as her face dawned in relization. "Oh, you're that Eren Jaeger kid?" he nodded and the woman sighed, sucking her teeth in annoyance. "Stupid woman, she was not supposed to allow you to do that. You need supervison."

She looked back down at him, "Alright, you can go, but don't do this again, alright? Others won't be as nice as I am."

He nodded before continuing on his way, finally finding room 116. It did have two big doors and Eren suddenly stopped at them, a ball of nerves suddenly growing in his stomach. It felt like when he was the new kid in high school and he was late on his first day. Everyone would be staring at him, no doubt, this is why he hesitated. He hated attention, he hated being stared at because you could never tell what the person was thinking of you when they were doing it and that made him extremely nervous.

But, he didn't really have a choice. It wasn't like high school where he was able to skip class if he wanted to - and he did - and loiter around places because like the woman had said, if another finds him, they won't be so nice as her.

So, slowly, he grabbed and turned the doorknob, only allowing his head to stick in first. There was indeed a group of people, albeit, to his surprise, a small group considering how big this place seemed, sitting in a circle all watching a woman with short, auburn hair and brown eyes as she spoke, her smile bright as she did.

He bit the inside of his lip before gathering the courage to make himself known. "Hello?" his voice was smaller than he ment for it to be, but in the nearly empty large room, it was loud enough to catch the attention of everyone.

The woman looked toward the door, her smile only brightened. "Oh! Hello. Come in, come in." she gestured with her hands for him to do so and he did, slipping into the room and shutting the door behind him. "Eren, yes?"

He nodded. "Yeah."

"Great! I'm excited you could make it today. Please, sit!" she motioned to an empty chair in between a small blonde boy with a sort of bowl haircut and big, nervous blue eyes and another boy with an undercut, hair darker blonde on the bottom than the top and light brown eyes.

Eren nodded once again before quickly rounding the circle, trying his best to ignore the stares and sat in the cusioned chair. The obviously dyed blonde didn't really react to him sitting but the other, more natural blonde on the right of him seemed to curl in on himself more.

"Well," the doctor said loudly, even though her voice echoed, getting everyones attention quickly. "since we have a new memeber, why don't we introduce ourselves? I'll go first. My name is Dr. Ral." she gestured to a girl with long dark hair and a blank stare - most of the people in the circles seemed to have blank stares. "Now you."

Her name was Mikasa, the girl next to her with blonde hair tied into a bun and blue eyes - one of the most people with blank, bored expressions - was Annie, though she had sunglasses on, which was odd. Then Sasha, Bertolt, Armin - the blonde on the right of him - Jean, on the left, Samuel, Hannah, Franz, Mina, Thomas, and finally, it was the last persons' turn.

And this last person happened to be sitting directly across the circle from Eren and also happened to be staring so intensely, that when it was his turn to state his name, Eren couldn't look away from the, what seemed like from where he was sitting and the light above, silver orbs that were trained on him.

"Levi," his voice was low, but loud and clear enough to hear. And he still hadn't looked away from Eren yet, openly staring at him hard, and Eren had to fight back the blush that threatened to creep into his cheeks when Dr. Ral called for the attention of everyone.

"Alright, so," Eren reluctantly broke the eye contact between him and Levi to look at the doctor, but he could still feel gaze boring into him and even though he tried hard to stop it, his cheeks began to heat up.

Dr. Ral smiled in Erens' direction. "Before you came in, Eren, we had been in the middle of a routine. Telling each other how we felt today. Why don't you try? And be completely honest."

Eren didn't have to hesitate, "Nervous." he caught the intense stare of Levi again before looking back to the auburn haired doctor and nodding. "Very nervous."

"Okay, yes. That's a great start. And it is perfectly normal to feel nervous now, but you began to feel more comfortable soon, I promise." she said, nodding, before turning back to the Hannah girl. "Now, back to you. How are you feeling today, Hannah?"

The remander of the small amount of time was spent with everyone in the circle talking about how they felt for the day. Eren tried to listen, but kept getting distracted by the eyes burning holes in his head. He wanted to ask why the raven-haired boy was staring so much - so hard. Though, it didn't make him as uncomfortable as he thought he'd be if someone was staring at him. And that confused him also because he didn't like to be stared at, and usually - with his personality - he'd just blunty question what the person was staring at but for some reason, with this one person, he flushed under the stare and couldn't even bare with meeting the gaze,

The clock in the room above the doors ringing suddenly cut Dr. Ral off with what she was saying and she sighed, standing up and straightening her dress.

"Alright, today, Nanaba will be taking you downstairs," the doctor informed as everyone stood and filed out the door. The blonde nurse from before stood waiting. "but if you would like to get a book from your rooms, please come with me."

Armin, Bertolt, Annie, and Mikasa followed. Eren noticed that Mikasa and Annie were holding hands, their fingers laced together in an intimate way and Eren wondered if they were a couple. But is that even allowed in a psyh ward? He didn't know and most likely won't because he didn't expect to start anything here because that probably wouldn't be a good idea.

But they were a pretty cute couple - if they were, nonetheless.

Everyone else followed Nanaba down the hall opposite of where people were following Dr. Ral to retrive books and Eren found himself looking through the small group, searching for the seemingly silver eyes. The reason as to why was beyond him but he didn't stop.

A hand taking a hold of his arm and making him stop aruptly startled a gasp out of him and he looked at the hand, pale, thin fingers latching onto his arm, and let his gaze follow up the arm and then finally the person it was connected to.

Eyes that he found out were such a pale blue that they looked silver from a distance stared back up at him and he blinked but he immiendiently regreted that action because as soon as he opened his eyes again, Levi - he was sure that it was him because he would never be able to forget eyes like that - was walking away from him, down the hallway opposite of where everyone was going, even though the hall was empty now.

Eren stared, beyond confused and a little curious now because he hadn't been able to get a good, full look at his face. He didn't realize he had been just standing in the middle of the hall until his name was shouted.

"Eren! Come on."

He nodded and began walking to catch up with the group, looking over his shoulder and frowning when the hall behind him was now empty.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay so I had to do some research for this chapter. I don't actually know if patients in psych wards are actually allowed to go outside, but I want them to so thats why I said heavily supervised.
> 
> that was a shitty way to end it also but I decided to have the next chapter be a continuation to this one, which explains the '...' in the chapter title. anyway, I hope you enjoyed and I'm gonna go work on that chapter now see ya


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